my son recently started preschool. i actually took it pretty well considering how i assumed it would go. the future playback in my mind was one full of anxiety, tears, restlessness...but the reality was much more...healthy. S is way more social than me, and oh so intelligent. of course, he is my son, and i think he is a genius...no, but really, he is super smart! it was time to let him spread his wings and begin to fly. luckily, i found an awesome place that both S and i took too instantly, and that also has a full phonics program for the 3's class, which was surprisingly difficult to find. plus, S loves his teacher. she is pretty much awesome and has such a great happy smile!
the one and only downside to preschool is obviously the tuition. whoa. but hey, whatever, us parents have to do is what we have to do! it's tough, but not out of reach. thank you, Jesus, that you always provide enough, not always more than enough, but always at least enough! so i have put myself on a budget, or what i like to call it, a 'money diet'...and i'm sort of embarrassed to say that it's the first time in my 32 years of life that i have had to go on a real one.
isn't it funny that as i have been on S to have self-control lately, this whole money diet thing happens? now i have to be on myself to have self-control! i've never been great at it, so it's been a rough month or so for sure. but...once i surrendered and began to fully trust God with it all, it's been less heavy...not less rough...just less burdensome.
so, all this just to tell you a story about a recent trip to my favorite store in the universe......target...
talk about the ultimate test in self-control! seriously! target is like a black hole of all the things that i 'need' and 'didn't know i need' and things that i 'actually really need'...plus some things that are on clearance so low, that i just have to take advantage, ha.
okay, so i needed to get a couple of things for S's halloween costume, (he's decided to be darth vader and i've decided to make his costume every year...i can't wait to post about it!), and i saw some super cute shoes that were marked down something like 75%. so of course, hello, i try them on, they fit perfectly, and i'd been wanting some navy loafers just like them...they go in the cart without a hesitation.
fast forward to the checkout. in the back of my mind i'm thinking..."those shoes are a want...not a need...but they are on clearance...a want...but they are navy blue!" i feel convicted. during this chapter of my life, i must force myself to live within some tight margins. is it a need? make it work. is it a want? have some self-control, grown woman! does this lessen the quality of my life, my son's, our spiritual walk? no, it strengthens it!
i get a pretty powerful silent pep talk in my head...i take them off the belt so i can tell the target girl that i have decided not to get them. i'm at peace. the lady in line behind me says, "oh, those are cute shoes..." she sees how much they are marked down. i tell her i'm not getting them and ask her if she is a size 6 so maybe she can take them, and her feet are not as small as my petite asian feet. she asks me why i am not getting them, and i tell her i'm on a budget and i'm trying to be good. she says i should just get them, they are so cheap. i tell her ya, but my son just started preschool and so i really shouldn't...
the woman grabs them out of my hand and says, "i'll buy them for you!"
i try to grab them back and tell her it's ok, no seriously, it's not a big deal. she insists and it becomes that situation where it was more polite to just let the other person do what they are going to do. i have to admit that i was a little embarrassed...my pride reared its ugly head and then it hit me all at once.
i felt the Lord giving my heart a hug. in His quiet and still voice He was telling me that He is in control. the woman said that she wanted to get them for me because of my self-control...my self-control...all i can say even now, as i tear up again, is that God is good. he was using this wonderful woman to show me His invisible hand. i know that He will bless her back for her generous heart. it was just a God thing.
now every time i wear them, i say a prayer of thanks first to the Lord for loving me, then for providing more than i need, and then i say a little prayer for the beautiful woman at target. it pushes me to be a better example of Christ's love.
let's all go and be a blessing to someone else. we don't know how it will affect that person, or whether they will appreciate it as much as we think they should or not, but we need to do it as we are lead to do it. no matter what.
you know what else i realized?
i always have more than enough.
always.
the one and only downside to preschool is obviously the tuition. whoa. but hey, whatever, us parents have to do is what we have to do! it's tough, but not out of reach. thank you, Jesus, that you always provide enough, not always more than enough, but always at least enough! so i have put myself on a budget, or what i like to call it, a 'money diet'...and i'm sort of embarrassed to say that it's the first time in my 32 years of life that i have had to go on a real one.
isn't it funny that as i have been on S to have self-control lately, this whole money diet thing happens? now i have to be on myself to have self-control! i've never been great at it, so it's been a rough month or so for sure. but...once i surrendered and began to fully trust God with it all, it's been less heavy...not less rough...just less burdensome.
so, all this just to tell you a story about a recent trip to my favorite store in the universe......target...
talk about the ultimate test in self-control! seriously! target is like a black hole of all the things that i 'need' and 'didn't know i need' and things that i 'actually really need'...plus some things that are on clearance so low, that i just have to take advantage, ha.
okay, so i needed to get a couple of things for S's halloween costume, (he's decided to be darth vader and i've decided to make his costume every year...i can't wait to post about it!), and i saw some super cute shoes that were marked down something like 75%. so of course, hello, i try them on, they fit perfectly, and i'd been wanting some navy loafers just like them...they go in the cart without a hesitation.
they're cute, right?
fast forward to the checkout. in the back of my mind i'm thinking..."those shoes are a want...not a need...but they are on clearance...a want...but they are navy blue!" i feel convicted. during this chapter of my life, i must force myself to live within some tight margins. is it a need? make it work. is it a want? have some self-control, grown woman! does this lessen the quality of my life, my son's, our spiritual walk? no, it strengthens it!
i get a pretty powerful silent pep talk in my head...i take them off the belt so i can tell the target girl that i have decided not to get them. i'm at peace. the lady in line behind me says, "oh, those are cute shoes..." she sees how much they are marked down. i tell her i'm not getting them and ask her if she is a size 6 so maybe she can take them, and her feet are not as small as my petite asian feet. she asks me why i am not getting them, and i tell her i'm on a budget and i'm trying to be good. she says i should just get them, they are so cheap. i tell her ya, but my son just started preschool and so i really shouldn't...
the woman grabs them out of my hand and says, "i'll buy them for you!"
i try to grab them back and tell her it's ok, no seriously, it's not a big deal. she insists and it becomes that situation where it was more polite to just let the other person do what they are going to do. i have to admit that i was a little embarrassed...my pride reared its ugly head and then it hit me all at once.
i felt the Lord giving my heart a hug. in His quiet and still voice He was telling me that He is in control. the woman said that she wanted to get them for me because of my self-control...my self-control...all i can say even now, as i tear up again, is that God is good. he was using this wonderful woman to show me His invisible hand. i know that He will bless her back for her generous heart. it was just a God thing.
now every time i wear them, i say a prayer of thanks first to the Lord for loving me, then for providing more than i need, and then i say a little prayer for the beautiful woman at target. it pushes me to be a better example of Christ's love.
let's all go and be a blessing to someone else. we don't know how it will affect that person, or whether they will appreciate it as much as we think they should or not, but we need to do it as we are lead to do it. no matter what.
you know what else i realized?
i always have more than enough.
always.
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